As someone who has always tried to follow a path in life and prides herself on staying three steps ahead, when I do something out of my comfort zone, I tend to fill with more anxiety than you can imagine. So, of course, this means, parenthood has been a constant struggle of not being able to control life. I guess the positive thing about it all, though, is that I’m learning to live outside of the path I thought I needed to stay on. And all of this brings me to yesterday and what it represents.
I think the hardest realization that has come from my time as a parent has been discovering I’m not superwoman. When you spend your life having the world deem you as the fixer, or the problem solver, or the one with all of the answers, you spend every minute trying to exceed that expectation. It’s a thrilling feeling – to be needed, for people to look to you for answers. Being able to stand on a pedestal and let the world know that you’ll solve anything and that no problem is too small or too big is all that matters, until the day you crash. Suddenly, its obvious that you’re not invincible, that your strong exterior can’t deflect every hit, and that there are problems that you cannot solve. And the biggest downfall is that I’m the one who put myself up there. I’m the one who spent my life convincing myself that I needed to hold this title because it’s what made the most sense. A need to be needed is only valid if you, yourself, never need anything.
If you have been following along, or are within 100 miles of my mother, you’ve probably heard we’re expecting a boy this time around. I’m officially 18 weeks along and, it has felt like the longest 18 weeks of my life. For some reason, with Abby, it felt like pregnancy rushed by (except for the last month which lasted a year on it’s own), but this time around, everything is painfully slow. Maybe it’s because I already know what to expect at the end of this marathon, or maybe it’s because motherhood has made me even more impatient, or, more likely it’s because I honestly cannot remember what milestone I’m supposed to be at and I’m constantly worried that I’m missing something. That last one sounds more like me.
I’m a classic Type A personality. My life is color-coded. I value time given and use it to the minute to ensure all projects are completed early. And I create scenarios in my head to overcome all obstacles you may face that diverts you from the original plan. I create spreadsheets in my head for fun. I even created an agenda for my sister’s bridal shower (I’m sorry again to all of her bridesmaids). And I pride myself in advancing my career. All of these characteristics have been invaluable when it comes to work – those color coded spreadsheets on event day are no joke – but not so much when it comes to pregnancy, or even parenting. The worst (and best) thing that can happen to a planner is pregnancy because pregnancy and parenthood is filled with unknowns you could never imagine.
If you haven’t noticed, things are a bit different around here. The new site is officially here! This has been a long time coming so I’m both thrilled and relieved that launch day is finally here! Especially since plans were to launch a bit earlier than this, but apparently growing a baby and raising a toddler changes your timeline dramatically. That’s right, if you haven’t been following along on Instagram, we are expecting once again! It’s been a crazy adventure already, and I’m only (almost) 17 weeks along. Everyone said the second time around would be different, and I guess a part of me listened but a bigger part of me was too busy raising the first kid to listen. Which has become a norm this time around actually. So, I figure with our new site, our first post should focus on this new adventure.
Hi There, I’m Lisa
I jumped head first into mommyland, fully prepared to rock it, and ended up bellyflopping in the deep end.
Mommyhood is a crazy adventure. Pour yourself a glass of wine or a mug of coffee (or a mug of wine, because sometimes it’s much more satisfying to drink wine when you have a handle), and lets figure out this parenting thing as we go along.